The Boytroll Brigade
by owlisharborium
Summary: John's eyes widened in fear as the rumbling began. Karkat's prissy fit had caused the large pile of snow hanging luminously up the mountainside to began sliding down- right towards their group! Featuring JohnKat, DirkJake, and DaveSol.


A/N: I decided to write a decent fanfiction for once. I'll try my very, very best to update regularly.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HOMESTUCK

"I think you're a fucking retard," were the first words John Egbert woke up to on an unassuming day in late January. He groaned and rolled over in his bed, the taste of his own mouth making him crinkle his nose in disgust.

"And you felt like waking me up at-" he checked his watch, a birthday gift from his friend Dave- "seven seventeen a.m. to tell me this why?"

The short young troll standing by his bedside with his arms crossed gave a snort. "You needed to hear it, duh." As if it were the most obvious thing in the world. John rolled his eyes before shutting them.

"Go away, Karkat." he grumbled.

"Do you even know what today is?" Karkat said. "I bet you forgot, didn't you, you forget everything."

"That is so not true!" John protested, opening back up his tired blue eyes. "I remember to do your laundry, and mine!"

Karkat waved his hand dismissively. "That's routine stuff. You never remember the IMPORTANT things, like the fact that I, as your most gracious hivemate, and also matesprit, might I add, have decided to take you, my stupid as hell but yet still somehow tolerable human 'boyfriend,' on a hiking trip with all our other stupid as hell and barely tolerable friends, human or not."

John sat up immediately. "Oh, shit, is that today?" he scrambled out of the sheets, tangling himself effectively and falling on the floor with a thud.

"Like I said. Fucking. Retard."

"Oh, just help me." whined John, twisting and turning and just making the situation worse. The nubby-horned troll huffed and leaned over. With one quick tug John was released from his polyester prison and nursing his bruised dignity.

"Now that we're done playing who can fuck up the most within five minutes of regaining consciousness, I think it's time you kick your hot ass into gear and get the fuck ready." Karkat absconded before John could make a comment on the 'hot ass' thing.

The next five minutes consisted of a considerable amount of swearing coming from John's bedroom as he struggled to locate and pack all of his things for the imminent hiking trip. He burst out the door, dressed like a mixture between an eskimo and a lumberjack, a victorious grin painted on his face.

Karkat was also completely dressed. The group of him, John, Dave, Dirk, Jake, and Sollux were all spending a little quality 'guy time' camping and hiking on the local Mount Skaia outside of the city. They were pretty much just a big gay orgy (that description courtesy of one Dave Strider, much to Karkat's displeasure).

"Let's go!" said John cheerily, ready to face the challenge that loomed in the distance. Karkat secretly admired that about John. He didn't typically look negatively on a situation, like he himself did. He also handled them intelligently, looking thoroughly for any and all variable involved with a challenge, and finding quick, effective ways to overcome them. Jake was quick to jump headfirst into a situation without assessing it first, and Dirk balanced that out quite well, thankfully. Lord knows that saved the thickheaded man on more than one occasion.

Karkat followed John out the door and into the large Jeep that was quite busted up from several unmentionable escapades. John hopped into the front, and Karkat took the passenger seat. He wasn't allowed to drive for a month because of a road rage incident that was also unmentionable unless you wanted the Cancer troll to rip you to shreds with his clever and lengthy insults.

Ten minutes later they were in front of the other apartment building that held the remainder of the group. Ten more minutes and they were still waiting, slowly frezing their balls off because John insisted they conserve the oil whilst not in motion. "Go in and get those slow assholes! God! Nitram could walk around the whole fucking planet in the time it's taking them to get down three flights of stairs!" Karkat complained. John rolled his eyes and did so.

As soon as his hand went to open the doorknob it flung open; he deftly sidestepped it, avoiding a potentially SERIOUS INJURY. Out busted one Jake English, who was about to topple down the front steps of the building had Dirk not grabbed a strap on his over-sized camping pack last second, and two swaggering d-bags that had grudgingly found a place in Karkat's blood pusher.

"Get in the car." John said before a word could be uttered. Four glances to the seething Karkat in the passenger seat had them quickly pile their crap in the trunck and on the roof before sliding in. John, still a master of silencing others before a situation could escalate, pressed a finger to his boysprit/matefriend's lips.

"Save your rage." It was a common phrase that Karkat despised with all five foot three of his being. But the words that flowed from those lips made them have a better effect on him and he calmed down, gently swatting John's hand away. "Whatever." he grumbled.

Sollux and Dave both raised an eyebrow in synchronicity. That was impressive, even for John. Karkat noticed these brow raises in the mirror and before a word could be said, yet again, he changed the subject.

"How long until we get to the mountain?"

John checked the watch again and Dave smirked. Nothing got under Karkat's grey skin more than that fucking smirk.

"Uh, it's a fifteen minute drive and then a two day hike and camp, and then we go home. Can we last fifteen minutes in the car without exploding?" He eyed Dave and Karkat especially.

Dave raised his hands in surrender. "Hey, I'm cool."

"Cool as ice," Karkat drawled. John sighed.

This was going to be a long two days.


End file.
